Listening Skills

The other day, while driving Secret Service home from school, I was asking my usual questions about his day. Secret participated briefly, but informatively, actually pulling a grading score sheet from his backpack and reading me the teacher's comments.

Depleted by that soul rendering intimacy, Secret inserted ear buds. I'm pretty sure he thought that what was coming next was a lecture about studying, working hard at school, or better yet, a reminder about picking up his room when he arrived home, or emptying the dishwasher. Driving, with no one to chat with, I reflected on how difficult it is to get my kids to hear me. The ear pieces are just the latest in an arsenal of methods to tune their parents out.

Science Girl and I always joke that Secret has "selective bionic hearing." When we talk to him, he appears not to have heard us. When we talk about him, he has an uncanny ability to hear us. When we talk about something that is none of his business, he seems able to hear us through walls. On occasion, I have looked to see if he has the room bugged.

Sadly, Sport is afflicted with the same type of situational deafness as his brother. Our family dog does a better job of responding to his name than Sport does. But, when I am honest with myself, I have to admit that I'm guilty of the same. As much as I wanted to be a Mom, there are days when I think my ears will bleed if I hear "Mommy" one more time. There are times when I hear "Mommy" and I pretend that I heard the kids say, "Mama" (Science Girl's handle) so that she is the one who has to go see what's up and I can try to stay blissfully unaware.

And, since I'm confessing, I'll admit that sometimes when they ask for something that they can't have, I act like I don't hear them because to hear them and say no just starts an argument. And sometimes, one of them is talking, sharing something, and I'm too busy or pre-occupied to listen or I cut them off to remind them to do a chore.

Saturday was the Jewish holiday, Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, a day to reflect on our errors and shortcomings in the past year and think about how we might do things differently in the coming year. I've been thinking about it and I'm going to try to listen more. Maybe the kids will, too.