Anniversary

Twenty years ago today, Science Girl and I had a small commitment ceremony in a friends backyard. We wanted an opportunity to stand before people we cared about, pledge our commitment to each other and to have these same people validate and support us by witnessing this event. This sort of thing wasn't commonplace in Oklahoma twenty years ago and even though we were having the ceremony, we were afraid that there could be some sort of backlash. I was worried enough that I wrote invitations and handed them to people personally without putting our names on them. We exchanged rings but chose to wear them on our right hands to minimize questions about the significance of the rings. We hired a seamstress to make us beautiful matching pantsuits and when she inquired about the occasion, we said we were bridesmaids, not brides.

Twenty years. A lot has changed in the world. In our current community of Denver, Colorado, it feels pretty safe to be part of a same sex couple and we've gotten pretty comfortable being out. The kids have helped that along. One or two people might be able to fit in a closet but stuffing a family of four in there wouldn't be easy. Even our boys friends seem comfortable with us and seldom seem confused to find a family with two moms. There was the time when Secret Service was in 1st grade. He had a new friend over, and I mentioned that Secret had two moms. The little boy looked surprised, then suspicious. "Are you sure one of you isn't the Nanny?" he asked.

Same sex marriage is not legal in Colorado, so to celebrate this milestone anniversary, Science Girl and I contemplated traveling to a state where it is legal and tying the knot. I thought maybe it was important for our children to see our commitment, to know we were legally wed. When I asked them, Sport responded with enthusiasm, never one to pass up a party, he said he'd like to be the ring bearer and the DJ. Secret Service said he already considered us married.

We do, too.