When I knew everything about being a parent, before I actually became a parent, I knew I wanted our family to have a dog because I thought all children should grow up with a dog. I envisioned a dignified animal who was loyal, loving and protective of our children, sleeping in their rooms, playing ball with them in the yard. A couple of years ago, I suddenly realized that the boys were already 12 and 8 years old and we had never had a dog. When I addressed this fact and my idea to remedy the issue, I thought everyone in the family would be enthused. They were not. In fact, Science Girl, Secret Service and Sport were united in their lack of desire for a dog. We had a handsome (but poorly behaved) grey and while cat named Leo and they all agreed that he was sufficient in the role of family pet.
I couldn't help but believe that they were wrong (like I often do when they disagree with me). The boys' focus was elsewhere. If I remember correctly, I think Secret was lobbying for us to purchase an ice rink for the backyard that he'd seen in a Sky Mall magazine and Sport was designing a tree house that he wanted built in our backyard (even though our trees were less than 5 feet tall at the time). I persisted and gradually managed to engage Science Girl in a series of discussions - adult dog vs. puppy, large dog vs. small, purebred vs. mixed breed. Science Girl did some research and found a puppy rescue group that gathered mixed breed puppies from several states and brought them to a Denver pet store each Saturday to facilitate adoptions.
Trooping over there on a Saturday morning in September 2009, we explained to the boys that we were just going to look, we weren't ready to buy. The boys didn't seem particularly interested in the whole venture, only reluctantly climbing into the car. On the way over, we talked about what type of dog we were seeking. Science Girl wanted a medium size dog who wasn't a Poodle. I wanted a medium size dog who wasn't a German Shepherd. (Please don't chastise me if you are a Poodle or Shepherd fan, I'm sure they are wonderful dogs but Science Girl takes offense at the poodles puffy coat and I feel like Shepherds would rather bite me than cuddle.)
In the pet store, Science Girl and I learned the routine, Secret (as usual) said little, keeping his thoughts to himself. Sport saw a puppy who intrigued him, a brindle colored German Shepherd looking little guy. Making yet another one in a long series of parenting errors, I let Sport play with this puppy. We had finished looking around and were ready to go. Sport looked shocked, weren't we getting this dog? We reminded him we weren't ready to buy.
Sports' face crumbled, big tears rolled down his unblemished cheeks. He had fallen in love. The whole family turned to me. Sport loved this dog, could we get him? Weakly, I said, "It looks like a German Shepherd." Secret started to argue with me about my discomfort with the breed. I was not persuaded to change my mind. When we got out of the store, Sport, (sans puppy) tears still trickling down his face, said, "You broke my heart." Secret glared at me. Science Girl looked exhausted by the ordeal. So far, this (like many other realities of being a parent) wasn't going the way I had imagined it would.
To Be Continued . . .
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Mini Me
Perhaps as part of his self taught CIA/FBI training, my son, Secret Service, has developed a clever method of eavesdropping. Like many of us, at the end of a conversation, he leaves the room where we've been talking. Unlike many of us, he turns a corner so that he's out of sight and then waits. Secret believes that sometimes we will say something interesting after he leaves the room and he wants to know what that is.
I don't know what juicy tidbits of family gossip Secret has scored in this manner. His surveillance techniques are based on the assumptions that we don't tell him directly what we think and feel about him and that we know things that we aren't sharing.
This whole situation seems ironic because Science Girl and I feel like when we talk to Secret, face to face, he isn't listening. We have to get him to pull ear buds out of his ears, we have to repeat ourselves, we have to insist that he make eye contact. Yet, secretly, this child is so intrigued by what we've got to say that he's hiding and trying to hear us.
The other day, we were all in the kitchen and Science Girl and I were instructing Secret to take out the garbage. This, like all other household tasks assigned to Secret, was not to his liking. I believe it wasn't convenient for him to do the chore at that time, there was a short burst of disagreement, which resulted in Secret stomping out of the room holding the trash bag. Science Girl and I remained in the kitchen, heard Secret walk through the mudroom, heard the door to the garage open and close. I smiled at her. "He sounds just like me when he argues," I said proudly. "He uses a lot of the same exact expressions I do."
Just then, we heard something in the mudroom. I peaked around the corner. Secret, still holding the garbage, stood there scowling. I smiled pleasantly at him. "Here," I said, "let me help you with the door."
When he was really gone, Science Girl and I chuckled. "I don't think that was what he was hoping to hear," she said.
I think we should try to remember that Secret may be lurking around any corner of our house and remember to say warm and loving things when he leaves the room. As a parent, it is gratifying to see yourself reflected in your child, even if it is the negative. I especially will try to note when Secrets' behavior reminds me of me. If that doesn't stop the eavesdropping, I don't know what will.
I don't know what juicy tidbits of family gossip Secret has scored in this manner. His surveillance techniques are based on the assumptions that we don't tell him directly what we think and feel about him and that we know things that we aren't sharing.
This whole situation seems ironic because Science Girl and I feel like when we talk to Secret, face to face, he isn't listening. We have to get him to pull ear buds out of his ears, we have to repeat ourselves, we have to insist that he make eye contact. Yet, secretly, this child is so intrigued by what we've got to say that he's hiding and trying to hear us.
The other day, we were all in the kitchen and Science Girl and I were instructing Secret to take out the garbage. This, like all other household tasks assigned to Secret, was not to his liking. I believe it wasn't convenient for him to do the chore at that time, there was a short burst of disagreement, which resulted in Secret stomping out of the room holding the trash bag. Science Girl and I remained in the kitchen, heard Secret walk through the mudroom, heard the door to the garage open and close. I smiled at her. "He sounds just like me when he argues," I said proudly. "He uses a lot of the same exact expressions I do."
Just then, we heard something in the mudroom. I peaked around the corner. Secret, still holding the garbage, stood there scowling. I smiled pleasantly at him. "Here," I said, "let me help you with the door."
When he was really gone, Science Girl and I chuckled. "I don't think that was what he was hoping to hear," she said.
I think we should try to remember that Secret may be lurking around any corner of our house and remember to say warm and loving things when he leaves the room. As a parent, it is gratifying to see yourself reflected in your child, even if it is the negative. I especially will try to note when Secrets' behavior reminds me of me. If that doesn't stop the eavesdropping, I don't know what will.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
The Twelve Days of Winter Break
To the tune of - The 12 Days of Christmas
On the first day of winter break
my children said to me:
We need a later bedtime
On the second day of winter break
my children said to me:
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime.
On the third day of winter break
my children said to me:
3 friends are coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
On the fourth day of winter break
my children said to me:
4 days of nothing good to eat
3 friends are coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
On the fifth day of winter break
my children said to me:
5 reasons why we're bored
4 days of nothing good to eat
3 friends coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
On the sixth day of winter break
my children said to me:
6 excuses for our rooms
5 reasons why we're bored
4 days of nothing good to eat
3 friends coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
On the seventh day of winter break
my children said to me:
7 things we need at the store
6 excuses for our rooms
5 reasons why we're bored
4 days of nothing good to eat
3 friends coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
On the eighth day of winter break
my children said to me:
8 chanukah gifts please
7 things we need at the store
6 excuses for our rooms
5 reasons why we're bored
4 days of nothing good to eat
3 friends are coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
On the ninth day of winter break
my children said to me:
9 balls a bouncing
8 chanukah gifts please
7 things we need at the store
6 excuses for our rooms
5 reasons why we're bored
4 days of nothing good to eat
3 friends are coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
On the tenth day of winter break
my children said to me:
10 Nerf guns blazing
9 balls a bouncing
8 chanukah gifts please
7 things we need at the store
6 excuses for our rooms
5 reasons why we're bored
4 days of nothing good to eat
3 friends are coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
On the eleventh day of winter break
my children said to me:
11 hours of television
10 Nerf guns blazing
9 balls a bouncing
8 chanukah gifts please
7 things we need at the store
6 excuses for our rooms
5 reasons why we're bored
4 days of nothing good to eat
3 friends coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
On the twelfth day of winter break
my children said to me:
12 rides around town
11 hours of television
10 Nerf guns blazing
9 balls a bouncing
8 chanukah gifts please
7 things we need from the store
6 excuses for our rooms
5 reasons why we're bored
4 days of nothing good to eat
3 friends coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
On the first day of winter break
my children said to me:
We need a later bedtime
On the second day of winter break
my children said to me:
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime.
On the third day of winter break
my children said to me:
3 friends are coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
On the fourth day of winter break
my children said to me:
4 days of nothing good to eat
3 friends are coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
On the fifth day of winter break
my children said to me:
5 reasons why we're bored
4 days of nothing good to eat
3 friends coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
On the sixth day of winter break
my children said to me:
6 excuses for our rooms
5 reasons why we're bored
4 days of nothing good to eat
3 friends coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
On the seventh day of winter break
my children said to me:
7 things we need at the store
6 excuses for our rooms
5 reasons why we're bored
4 days of nothing good to eat
3 friends coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
On the eighth day of winter break
my children said to me:
8 chanukah gifts please
7 things we need at the store
6 excuses for our rooms
5 reasons why we're bored
4 days of nothing good to eat
3 friends are coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
On the ninth day of winter break
my children said to me:
9 balls a bouncing
8 chanukah gifts please
7 things we need at the store
6 excuses for our rooms
5 reasons why we're bored
4 days of nothing good to eat
3 friends are coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
On the tenth day of winter break
my children said to me:
10 Nerf guns blazing
9 balls a bouncing
8 chanukah gifts please
7 things we need at the store
6 excuses for our rooms
5 reasons why we're bored
4 days of nothing good to eat
3 friends are coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
On the eleventh day of winter break
my children said to me:
11 hours of television
10 Nerf guns blazing
9 balls a bouncing
8 chanukah gifts please
7 things we need at the store
6 excuses for our rooms
5 reasons why we're bored
4 days of nothing good to eat
3 friends coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
On the twelfth day of winter break
my children said to me:
12 rides around town
11 hours of television
10 Nerf guns blazing
9 balls a bouncing
8 chanukah gifts please
7 things we need from the store
6 excuses for our rooms
5 reasons why we're bored
4 days of nothing good to eat
3 friends coming over
2 chores only, we're on vacation
and we need a later bedtime
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Mama Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Teenagers
To the Tune of Willie Nelson's Mama Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys
(Inspired by my own teenager)
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be teenagers
Don't let 'em get tall and think that they're grown
Make 'em stay young and do what they're told
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be teenagers
They'll never stay home or if they are home
they're wrapped in electronic devices
Teenagers ain't easy to love and they're harder to hold
They'd rather ignore you than talk or go for a walk
They seldom come 'round till they need a ride or are hungry
And each night begins a new day
And if you don't understand them (and who would?)
Just hang on till this phase is over
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be teenagers
Don't let them get tall and think that they're grown
Make 'em stay young and do what they're told
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be teenagers
They'll never stay home and when they're at home
they'll be wrapped in electronic devices
Teenagers like sleeping till noon, listening to tunes,
texting a friend, watching shows til the end
They'll shower forever or not at all
They want us to chill, think we're over the hill
Sometimes we don't know how to take them
They've changed but somewhere in there is the child we knew
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be teenagers
Don't let 'em get tall and think that they're grown
Make 'em stay young and do what they're told
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be teenagers
They'll never stay home or if they are home
they're wrapped in electronic devices
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be teenagers
(Inspired by my own teenager)
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be teenagers
Don't let 'em get tall and think that they're grown
Make 'em stay young and do what they're told
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be teenagers
They'll never stay home or if they are home
they're wrapped in electronic devices
Teenagers ain't easy to love and they're harder to hold
They'd rather ignore you than talk or go for a walk
They seldom come 'round till they need a ride or are hungry
And each night begins a new day
And if you don't understand them (and who would?)
Just hang on till this phase is over
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be teenagers
Don't let them get tall and think that they're grown
Make 'em stay young and do what they're told
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be teenagers
They'll never stay home and when they're at home
they'll be wrapped in electronic devices
Teenagers like sleeping till noon, listening to tunes,
texting a friend, watching shows til the end
They'll shower forever or not at all
They want us to chill, think we're over the hill
Sometimes we don't know how to take them
They've changed but somewhere in there is the child we knew
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be teenagers
Don't let 'em get tall and think that they're grown
Make 'em stay young and do what they're told
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be teenagers
They'll never stay home or if they are home
they're wrapped in electronic devices
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be teenagers
Friday, December 16, 2011
Commotion in the Back Seat of the Car
Since Secret Service is legally able to ride in the front seat of the car, when I'm performing my motherly chauffeur duties, the boys sit in different rows. However, when the four of us climb into the car, the boys "share" the backseat. And by "share," I mean they are assigned to sit there, next to each other. It sounds simple, but it hasn't been going well.
Secret Service likes to cart a heavy, full-to-the brim backpack to and from school each day. He doesn't remove it from the car so I'm not sure why he carries it, maybe just as a status symbol. Wouldn't you think if you carried that around, there would be a reason, like you've got homework of some sort that you are going to complete? Or, maybe you've got a book in there that you are assigned to read. Or, maybe you have some notes in a notebook to review? Anyway, in the car, Secret likes to place this backpack next to him on the seat, in the spot closest to the window. With Sport in one window seat and the backpack in the other coveted window seat, Secret is squished into the non-existent middle seat. With Secret and Sport so close to each other, it is easy for them to constantly touch each other, yell at each other for touching each other, scream, then laugh hysterically.
Even when we remove the giant backpack (which still seldom makes it into the house but instead sits forlornly in the garage) and mandate that each boy take a seat by a window, leaving the space between them empty, a neutral zone of sorts, there is bickering, fighting, taunting, teasing.
Recently a new aspect of the ride was added when they started to sing together. Make no mistake, there is no harmony, these aren't the Hanson Brother's. Instead, they happily belt out tunes with inappropriate lyrics and then laugh maniacally when the adults object.
What consequence can you enforce while driving? You can pull the car over and refuse to drive or you can threaten them with some loss of privilege that will occur when you get home. Neither seems to impact them in the moment. The only time I had a victory was when they were younger and sharing the back seat. They were squabbling, slapping each other, laughing, shrieking, clearly enjoying themselves. My nerves were frayed and jangled from the racket. We were close to a grocery store. Trying to ignore them, I started to think about a few items I needed to pick up - milk, bread, etc. The boys loathe running any household errands. I had an idea. With the store within sight, I said to them, "If I hear one more word, I am pulling over to that grocery store and we are all going in to shop." Complete silence. Quiet all the way home. Not a peep.
I need to find more grocery stores.
Secret Service likes to cart a heavy, full-to-the brim backpack to and from school each day. He doesn't remove it from the car so I'm not sure why he carries it, maybe just as a status symbol. Wouldn't you think if you carried that around, there would be a reason, like you've got homework of some sort that you are going to complete? Or, maybe you've got a book in there that you are assigned to read. Or, maybe you have some notes in a notebook to review? Anyway, in the car, Secret likes to place this backpack next to him on the seat, in the spot closest to the window. With Sport in one window seat and the backpack in the other coveted window seat, Secret is squished into the non-existent middle seat. With Secret and Sport so close to each other, it is easy for them to constantly touch each other, yell at each other for touching each other, scream, then laugh hysterically.
Even when we remove the giant backpack (which still seldom makes it into the house but instead sits forlornly in the garage) and mandate that each boy take a seat by a window, leaving the space between them empty, a neutral zone of sorts, there is bickering, fighting, taunting, teasing.
Recently a new aspect of the ride was added when they started to sing together. Make no mistake, there is no harmony, these aren't the Hanson Brother's. Instead, they happily belt out tunes with inappropriate lyrics and then laugh maniacally when the adults object.
What consequence can you enforce while driving? You can pull the car over and refuse to drive or you can threaten them with some loss of privilege that will occur when you get home. Neither seems to impact them in the moment. The only time I had a victory was when they were younger and sharing the back seat. They were squabbling, slapping each other, laughing, shrieking, clearly enjoying themselves. My nerves were frayed and jangled from the racket. We were close to a grocery store. Trying to ignore them, I started to think about a few items I needed to pick up - milk, bread, etc. The boys loathe running any household errands. I had an idea. With the store within sight, I said to them, "If I hear one more word, I am pulling over to that grocery store and we are all going in to shop." Complete silence. Quiet all the way home. Not a peep.
I need to find more grocery stores.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Time or Money?
I've had times when I am busy professionally, and the upside is that the money is there, but the downside is that I'm stressed, rushed, exhausted, feeling like I'm shortchanging my kids by being so busy and pre-occupied with work. After days, weeks, months of that type of schedule, the bank account is full but inside I'm on empty. I don't feel I am providing the kids with the all-important "quality time" we hear so much about and don't feel like I'm even fun to be around. Currently, I've chosen to work part-time so I've been able to take the kids to school, pick them up, be at home more. Most of the time, that feels like a better balance. I've got more time at home but lately I've wondered if I'm using this time wisely. Just like money can be wasted, so can time.
My kids are getting ready to start their Winter Break and we'll be spending a lot of time together each day. Without effort or planning, I'm afraid the time will just slip away, with nothing accomplished and no special memories created. To prepare, I asked each of them to give me some ideas for how they'd like to spend the time.
Secret Service would like to fly to another city to visit old friends, stay in a hotel, eat in restaurants, swim, shop, go to movies. Sport wants to ice skate at outdoor rinks, play at places where you pay to jump or participate in challenges, have a movie marathon where we watch all the Harry Potter movies. Both would like to have sleep-overs with friends.
I thought it was odd that neither child mentioned an interest in doing any home improvement projects, cleaning out closets, cooking or baking. I see I'm on my own if I want to tackle any of these. My first and foremost goal of every vacation is the desire to sleep in later. Once that is accomplished, I'm open for anything. Let the break begin.
My kids are getting ready to start their Winter Break and we'll be spending a lot of time together each day. Without effort or planning, I'm afraid the time will just slip away, with nothing accomplished and no special memories created. To prepare, I asked each of them to give me some ideas for how they'd like to spend the time.
Secret Service would like to fly to another city to visit old friends, stay in a hotel, eat in restaurants, swim, shop, go to movies. Sport wants to ice skate at outdoor rinks, play at places where you pay to jump or participate in challenges, have a movie marathon where we watch all the Harry Potter movies. Both would like to have sleep-overs with friends.
I thought it was odd that neither child mentioned an interest in doing any home improvement projects, cleaning out closets, cooking or baking. I see I'm on my own if I want to tackle any of these. My first and foremost goal of every vacation is the desire to sleep in later. Once that is accomplished, I'm open for anything. Let the break begin.
Holiday Wish Lists
With the holidays approaching, every day brings new catalogues in the mail. I've handed them to the boys, asking them to give me ideas about what they'd like to receive as gifts. Here's what I've gotten so far -
Secret Service is requesting a soda making machine. Secret Service needs a soda making machine like I need to have a Krispy Kreme donut shop operating from my living room. Secret has a wicked soda addiction. I'm convinced Secret wakes up in the morning thinking about where and when to snag a Pepsi. Secret would rather drink soda than eat a meal and we have reason to suspect that uses his lunch money to buy soda instead of food. When soda is served at someones home, Secret parks himself at the counter like a drunk at a bar. So, no, sadly, Secret will not be getting a soda making machine.
Another item on Secrets' list is an air soft gun. Secret already owns one of these and it has been confiscated for months because he misused it. I will spare you the details, no one was injured, but Secret did not prove he could handle this weapon and it is semi-permanently removed from his possession. Why would we get him another one?
Secret would like a winter jacket that costs over $100. He showed me a picture of it. It is lovely. However, I don't understand why he needs this as he has refused to wear his current brand new (over $100) jacket, (that he selected) and on the one day I forced him to wear it to school, he supposedly left it in his locker and we haven't seen it since.
Sport has looked through the catalogues and has consistently circled the same items each time. However, there are some problems here, too. Sport wants a Nerf gun. I was in the basement this morning and counted 11 Nerf guns. I mentioned this to Sport. He said they aren't all his, some of these belong to Secret. He said the new Nerf guns are better than the ones he has. I think not.
Sport has also requested a battery powered helicopter that flies. The trouble is that Sport got one of these last year, played with it for 25 minutes the day he got it, 10 minutes the next day and then never again.
I told Sport to look through the catalogues and find something that he doesn't already have. That's when he came up with the request for a candy machine, the kind that gives you candy when you put your hand under it. Why doesn't this sound like a good idea?
I told both boys that they need to generate more ideas. Secret has asked for a full-size tempurpedic mattress. I said I heard that they are expensive. Secret said it wasn't too bad, he noted that the mattress is $1399.00! I asked if it can be a foam mattress that is a different brand, but Secret said he needs that particular brand. I don't think we can swing that at this time.
If the boys can't come up with ideas for gifts that they don't already have, are safe and healthy, and affordable, I'm going to just buy them clothes. In the past, they wept when they received clothes for a gift but I'm running out of ideas.
Secret Service is requesting a soda making machine. Secret Service needs a soda making machine like I need to have a Krispy Kreme donut shop operating from my living room. Secret has a wicked soda addiction. I'm convinced Secret wakes up in the morning thinking about where and when to snag a Pepsi. Secret would rather drink soda than eat a meal and we have reason to suspect that uses his lunch money to buy soda instead of food. When soda is served at someones home, Secret parks himself at the counter like a drunk at a bar. So, no, sadly, Secret will not be getting a soda making machine.
Another item on Secrets' list is an air soft gun. Secret already owns one of these and it has been confiscated for months because he misused it. I will spare you the details, no one was injured, but Secret did not prove he could handle this weapon and it is semi-permanently removed from his possession. Why would we get him another one?
Secret would like a winter jacket that costs over $100. He showed me a picture of it. It is lovely. However, I don't understand why he needs this as he has refused to wear his current brand new (over $100) jacket, (that he selected) and on the one day I forced him to wear it to school, he supposedly left it in his locker and we haven't seen it since.
Sport has looked through the catalogues and has consistently circled the same items each time. However, there are some problems here, too. Sport wants a Nerf gun. I was in the basement this morning and counted 11 Nerf guns. I mentioned this to Sport. He said they aren't all his, some of these belong to Secret. He said the new Nerf guns are better than the ones he has. I think not.
Sport has also requested a battery powered helicopter that flies. The trouble is that Sport got one of these last year, played with it for 25 minutes the day he got it, 10 minutes the next day and then never again.
I told Sport to look through the catalogues and find something that he doesn't already have. That's when he came up with the request for a candy machine, the kind that gives you candy when you put your hand under it. Why doesn't this sound like a good idea?
I told both boys that they need to generate more ideas. Secret has asked for a full-size tempurpedic mattress. I said I heard that they are expensive. Secret said it wasn't too bad, he noted that the mattress is $1399.00! I asked if it can be a foam mattress that is a different brand, but Secret said he needs that particular brand. I don't think we can swing that at this time.
If the boys can't come up with ideas for gifts that they don't already have, are safe and healthy, and affordable, I'm going to just buy them clothes. In the past, they wept when they received clothes for a gift but I'm running out of ideas.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)