Stay where I can see you

When the boys got old enough to walk independently, they immediately set out to investigate their world, which meant crawling, walking, running, hop, skip and jumping away from wherever I was. Initially, I tried to stop them, to keep them in my arms or in a stroller. When that proved impossible, I started to say, "Stay where I can see you." They came to understood that they didn't have to stand right next to me if they stayed nearby.

I said those words for years, they were my mantra, part of my everyday routine with the boys, like "brush your teeth" or "get ready for bed." But now, through no fault of their own, those words don't fit anymore, the boys have grown out of them like so many of their baby onesies and toddler overalls.

Yesterday Science Girl and I both had commitments that kept us from being able to pick up the boys from their respective schools. For the first time ever, Secret Service independently took the city bus and then walked home from the bus stop. Sport took a school bus, which he has done before. I had the boys each contact me when they'd reached the house. I was proud of them for their independence and relieved that I could trust them to get home on their own.

But, sad, too. The boys are at ages where they are more often out of my sight. Secret Service in particular is more and more out of my sight. Recently, he and a friend went to a shopping mall and movie together, with no grown-up accompaniment. Also, no grown ups were present when he and his friends went to watch the high school soccer team compete in a tournament.

What I've decided is that developmental milestones are more challenging for the parents than the kids. Secret seems happy to be let out of the house on his own recognizance. Sport is thrilled to be given the opportunity to get home from school on his own. It's just Mommy who feels a bit of confusion and loss. I can't always glance up and see my boys. Lately, they are not always where I can see them.